While publishing the previous journal entry in the Castro Valley BART parking lot, I consumed a rather large stalk of a Golden Teacher mushroom. Then I walked uphill through the middle of Castro Valley through the suburbs to my dad’s house (which is has been my legal address since 2016 when I changed it thinking that living there would give me more privacy from my mom). While observing the breeder-centric and gasoline-pushing populace around me, I felt that I was suffocating in their midst while inhaling their toxic fumes. (I angrily told myself that gasoline guzzling cars are for people who need to cart little kids around and the cargo required to support their costly existence. Otherwise, they are utility vehicles for heavy construction, commercial freight, or law enforcement and military vehicles. I do not think my mother wants me to feel bad and that is why she is letting me borrow her car but I get the sense that other people are not so happy that I have access to such power. In order for me to not feel so suffocated and tortured, I think it is best for me to take possession of that vehicle because it gives me sufficient political power to fight for my right to exist in this hyper competitive society. Still, I cannot help but think I might be avoiding the most suffering long term by leaving the car in my mom’s possession). So far I see the people around doing nothing but fighting for their own survival and trying to coerce me into using me for that end. If they feel dependent on petroleum to get around, then they will fight aggressively to get me to drive a petroleum powered car so that they can say to their gullible little kids, “See, Karlina the big fraud of an environmentalist is driving a gasoline powered car. I guess that means we can too!”
I am walking back to Castro Valley BART to take the train back to Dublin to camp at that spot I have been hanging out at over the past few weeks. There are a lot more electric car drivers and software engineers over there than seemingly over here. That’s just how it looks to me. People hardly give me a minute to sit down and here myself think over here. I can feel their impatience and how they just want to get rid of me because my level of awareness is threatening to their “tranquil” way of life and sense of being entitled to remain an apex predator at the top of a power hierarchy. As long as they get to stay in their gilded comfort zone, they do not seem to mind if other creatures are harmed for that end. (I am going back to what I imagine to be the political capital in this little East Bay game I am playing. I will walk and camp close to work if I have to. After a few paychecks, I will have the means to pay for a bicycle and its upkeep. I will also expand my job search and use Dublin as a place to use my laptop and even to study).
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