The following journal entry is a bit “low quality”. I wrote it while feeling sleep deprived, physically worn down, and mentally worn down from being barraged with extremely irritating and antagonistic noises from law enforcement today and from being sensory overloaded from nonstop car traffic, air pollution, and people in my vicinity all day (and every day for the past few weeks while I desperately craved respite from all that intrusive stimuli making me feel deprived of space to hear myself think and space to calm down after being in chronic fight-or-flight mode).
After sitting inside of the Oracle parking garage in Dublin, a security guard showed up and kindly asked me to leave because it was private property. I quickly complied and walked over to the parking garage across the street to finish backing up my notes. After that, I spent the last five dollars in my bank account on some “pop tarts” from Whole Foods Market and then rode the BART train back to Castro Valley. Then I walked through the downtown area all the way to Lake Chabot Road and then left on Seven Hills Road and then right on Stanton and past Horsey Hill on then southward on Crest Avenue all the way to my mom’s house. Then I went inside and briefly visited my mom and Casey the cat and got a little crude weed to put in my pocket pipe smoking kit. Then I drove the petroleum powered minivan southward down Crest Avenue and right onto Miramar Avenue and then right onto that special side street which is not that crowded with parked cars and which I had no problems parking at long term during the past three years. Then I got out of the car to sit down to type out this note after looking at the sunset illuminating the cumulus clouds above with pinkish orange light (and the sky is mostly cloudless at this time and shortly after sunset). I can see the bay water from this little hill spot. I am also smoking a little bit of that marijuana to ease my physical pain from stomach aches and walking so much and spending too much time lying on cement.
My stress level seems to be a lot lower now (and actually in the range of tolerable rather than intolerable). That is because I have finally gathered enough experimental evidence to conclude that walking and taking BART to work is not feasible to do every day (or even most days). Rather than camp outside whichever facility I am working at, I decided that it is best for me to sleep at Horsey Hill most nights because it is relatively clean, quiet, and comfortable compared to other places I could be sleeping at. If I have work at 7:30AM in the morning, I plan to wake up at 5AM so I can take a leisurely 20 minute stroll from my camping spot at Horsey Hill to “my” car which is parked near the bottom of the hill near the 580 freeway. Then I expect the drive to Newark (if that is where I am working) to take no longer than 30 minutes (but it might take longer if traffic is heavy). I figured that I would get to work on time without feeling rushed if I stick to that plan.
I feel better now that I have significantly increased my employment options and made my commute less time consuming and physically and mentally exhausting. I am no longer fighting with my inner hippie zealot about borrowing the petroleum powered car because I have consumed news recently which suggests that electric cars powered by renewable energy will be much more affordable within the next 20 years. I also am no longer feeling guilty about not attempting to work from home because I am convinced that it would take me months if not years to become qualified for a remote job doing information technology stuff. I would rather not postpone earning money any longer than necessary. Hence, I am betting that I will get a full-time warehouse job before the end of this year (and such jobs tend to make at least $17 per hour). I also like that such jobs do not require that I be in a calm, happy, and sociable mood nor spend lots of time just standing and being gawked at by customers. I know from experience that customer service jobs are torturous for me (which made me very resentful and reluctant to work because I thought that I would not be able to get a job other than cashiering). I am still waiting for Amazon to give me the verdict on whether or not I pass its background test. I will wait for at least a few more weeks before applying to other places if I do not get a response. Until then, I plan to just keep surfing the web and doing projects of personal significance.
(There are some rude, obnoxious, and loud people yelling plaintively seemingly at me from across the street because they do not like that I am taking to long to finish this note and get out of here. I really resent how so many people around me are so impatient with me and demand that I be cut off from what I am doing while they breathe down my neck and act like tyrannical morons who think they are more important than I am. I get the sense that I am more mature, thoughtful, observant, conscientious, creative, and inquisitive than are most of the people around me. I feel like an alien who is smarter than most humans who has to put up with constant bullying and interference from cranky, self-centered, and ugle humans. Humans are so unattractive to me that I have given up on making friends with people unless it is through some kind of online meeting place or some other kind of gathering revolving around our common interests and not just because we are forced to inhabit the same overcrowded space. I do not expect the people in my midst to treat me with as much kindness and respect as I think I deserve. I expect to have to keep practicing not reacting negatively to their negative treatment towards me on a daily basis several times a day for at least the next five years. I do not expect the people around me to join me in my mission to raise the quality of consciousness of humanity because most of the people around me seem anti-progressive, irresponsible, indifferent to the world outside their myopic circle of friends and family, and stubbornly married to their comfort zones. I do not expect very many people to try magic mushrooms even though they are becomes decriminalized in various parts of the United States of America. I was telling myself earlier that I bet only feel-good, complacency-inducing drugs will be legalized for quite some time because stuff which forces people to face their fears and to go through an expedited bout of personal development go against the grain of keeping people numbed out and stagnant. I also do not want to push my way of life and ideals onto other people even if they try to dictate how I live. Unlike them, I try to be laissez faire and not waste my energy trying to control other people. (I noticed that high IQ people tend to be less preachy than are low IQ people. I have seem low IQ tell high IQ what to do more often than I have seen high IQ people tell low IQ people what to do). Finally, I think a lot of people simply are addicted to fighting with me. That makes me wonder if I am being denied employment or else delayed employment so that other people can continue to self righteously berate me for not yet having a job while they work “oh so hard”. Once I am working, they will have nothing to complain about when it comes to my conduct because, by that point, I am doing everything in my power to become financially self sufficient. I bet people will whine that I do not work long enough hours or that the work I do is not important enough nor painful enough. I am sure that people will always find fault with how I live. Hence, I think it is wise to give up trying to appease people and just focus on pleasing myself. Lastly, those who complain that I am not making school a big enough priority because I am working are probably irritated that I am making money and have enough money to not be a starving student who is too stressed out about not having enough money to enjoy studying. I think I will have an easier time studying and doing my personal projects once I have an income stream. Also, I do not plan on formally attending school any time in the future. Instead, I plan on doing my own self-paced and self-directed curriculum reading books, watching documentaries, doing programming and math problems, and other educational projects for my own enjoyment and not merely to make money nor to make other people stop berating me. The value of education, as I see it, is not being able to make more money than my lesser educated counterparts, but rather, to have a richer mental map of reality from which to come up with creative and inspiring ideas for my own enjoyment and thrival. The better educated I am, the more I have to think about and the more I have to be entertained by and the more motivated I will be to invest in my long term wellness. I want to be physically and mentally active for as long as possible rather than allow my physical and mental faculties to atrophy from lack of exercise. Not having kids to look after nor fussy friends to counsel nor much in the way of unhealthy habits to nix means that I have a greater chance than “normal people” have to stay physically and mentally active my whole life. I know I sound like an elitist snob right now. So be it! I would rather be a lazy snob living a rich life than a humble conformist sheep settling for atrophy and being controlled by peer pressure to turn my body and mind into a straitjacket so as to not stand out from the droopy eyed, flabby armed, alcohol guzzling, cigarette puffing, dog hostage holding masses (and I am a cat person rather than a dog person because I do not condone keeping animals on leashes and in cages. I like how cats can survive without humans taking care of them and how cats are allowed to roam freely and to not act like submissive, dumbed down hostages for their human tyrants. I think cat people are less domineering and less politically conservative than are dog people. I do not like how dog people loudly scold their dogs in a patronizing manner. Cats do not seem to respond to such degrading treatment. I read that cat DNA is more similar to human DNA than is dog DNA. Hence, cats are more humanlike than are dogs. Cats seem to be smarter too. Also, cats seem to have more diversity in terms of personality and do not seem as territorial, snitching, and authoritarian as dogs are. I figure that dog people are dumber than are cat people (though most cat people seem pretty dumb compared to me because, unlike them, I have spent most of my life learning to communicate with animals while doing my best to avoid projecting my humanness onto them)).
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