28_AUGUST_2022: While scrambling to move to a different train car when I was bothered by people talking on one of the trains I was sitting at, I accidentally left the only $120 AC portable power station I had left on that train (and my laptop sometimes does not start unless it is plugged into a power source). I was about to go to Thornton Beach to spend the night and to get a break from constantly being encroached upon by people in physical proximity to me until I discovered that I lost that camping battery. (I was making a joke to myself earlier about how, if there was a Karlina Starter Pack meme on the Internet, one of the items on that pack would be some quote saying, “If I did not get something stolen from me today, then it is an exceptionally good day!”). Thankfully, as I sit at the relatively quiet Daly City BART station at approximately 9PM, my laptop was able to turn on (such that I could compose and publish this note).
Lately I have been sick of inhaling air pollution from all the petroleum powered cars which pass through the region of Dublin I have been hanging out at over the past few weeks.
I feel that other people know I want to be left alone and encroach upon my personal space anyway. It’s like they will not leave me alone until it almost escalates into a physical fight. (Some nigger keeps trying to get my attention as I type and ignore him. I told him to fuck off and he just threw his cigarette at me).
I worry that many people (including the government) has set me up to be used as a public slave who is only allowed to be some kind of politician against its will and that it is my job to pay attention to other people more than I want to and to be relegated to their impoverished standard of living. (I used to be more affluent than this; especially while I was working at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory as an Information Technology student intern for $13.65 per hour. I am afraid that I am more ready to return to the IT sector than many other people are ready for me to be because such people are effectively addicted to me being destitute and available to be their captive audience).
I am afraid that I may need to look for a better job than even Amazon warehouse (but there do not seem to be very many other options for people who prefer to not socialize much and who lack qualifications for higher paying and more intellectual jobs). Perhaps if I just got into an “indestructible” study schedule, I would be able to build up a nice software engineering portfolio and get an information technology job (but it will probably take me years to get back into the IT industry because I have to “redeem” myself by not getting any more crimes on my legal record, no more gaps in my employment, and acquiring certifications and professional recommendations (and even all that is no guarantee that I will get an IT job)).
It is not fair that I should have to suck up so much of other people’s pollution while they get to breathe relatively clean air because, unlike me, they get to spend most of their time in hermetically sealed and air conditioned vessels which shield them from the realities of climate change and environmental toxicity. Oh well. Much of life is not fair. Much of human civilization is inefficient, kludgy, and promoting of unhealthiness. Either I kill myself or I accept that I currently have no better options but to settle for being a prisoner of the human societal matrix. (Perhaps someday that matrix will become a lot saner, kinder, and healthier).
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